quick blog

i write this all so that everyone can see that everyone goes thru something in their lives... no matter how fucked up your life is or was... YOU can make a diffrence ... IF YOU TRY... now i could have easily went back to doing drugs again... but i made a choice between haven my family or not haven my family... (I CHOOSE FAMILY)...

now what i was tryn to say in the first paragraph there ... is that i had more then enough chances to go back to doing drugs... when i was still somewhat paralized... (but learnin how to walk) i was able to leave the Extended Recovery Unit and stay home for a night... so i was with my mom and her boyfriend... they had letf to get some groceries ... and i was waiting for them to come back... when they had finally came home after like 2 hours and brang in only 5 bags i was wondering what the hell took so long... yeah... guess what?!!... they got drugs... and i knew this cuz her boyfriend was following her around the house and they stayed in the kitchen as i was in the living room...and i called this dealer who is a friend... and i cried and told him that i need to stay somewhere for the night cuz i cant be around that... so i took a bath i was tellin my mom y did she have to do that... and it was nothin... so like i went to T's house... and spent the night... he didnt show me drugs... he kept me in the room and took care of me... we talked and talked and talked... he is a great overall guy... he is just caught up in the game cuz its easy money... and umm i told him so many times that he can find a job... and work like a real man ...and do for his kid and things like that without gettin caught by cops.. going in and out of jail... but like i said ... its too easy for him to get money with the drug world out there... i could not call my aunt or uncle or anyone to come get me ... i was scared to get my mom introuble... i didnt want that to happen... so i thought by being by someone who i trusted wud be cool... and you can give me a lie detector test or anything else... I DID NOT GO BACK TO DRUGS... and believe you me... i would have possibly done it if i didnt care for myself.... but i value what i have anymore... cause my family and boyfriend is with me now to show me how much it means to be thankful for what i have...



its sad that some people make it a job for themselves to help enable others to get high and kill themselves... but they make lots of money... and its like a rush ... cuz u know ur bound to get caught by the cops... you know your doing somethin wrong... but its exciting for most people... and i feel bad for the ones who do get high... cuz its somethin they got into cuz of lonelyness... or cuz it ran in the family... or some are looking for a excuse to give way of their problems... and its hard for someone on the outside to understand... its easier if you been there and done that... or even if your family member is going thru it...but yet some people are blind to it... and ignorant to the idea that one can harm themselves like that...



my aunt sometimes does not get it... like y my mom started ... or y i got involved... but its those you choose to be around... and you make that first choice if you want to do it... and most people will say that smoking weed is a gateway... NO... WRONG ANSWER... i can smoke weed all day and night and feel fine... i would not want anything else... but my aunt thinks like someone wud want a stronger high... YES .. she is rite... but most cases people like to smoke weed and mix it with a drink and get all stupid... fall asleep... eat food... laugh... whatever... but everyone is diffrent with that... and its hard to explain it to someone who does not know what happens to someone if they dont go thru it... i have tried to explain to my aunt how it works... but i cant... i try to but then when i talk about it my heart like beats so fast... i feel all sick... i hate that feeling... thinkin or talkin about it gets me sick... JUST TO EVEN KNOW THAT I DID IT MAKES ME SICK!... i wont forget what it made you feel like... and i dont want to do it again... AINT GONNA LIE THAT I DONT THINK OF IT... CUZ I DO... but i WONT... i care too much about what i have in my life...