lost

i am so lost... i dont know what to do... i want to make my life better then what it is rite now... and i felt as if i was doing the right things... i am making this blog to tell a story... (possibly make a change in ones life)... i been working at the same place now for over a year and a half...(march will be 2 yrs)... i signed up for online college (Thomas Edison) for Psychology... (tryn to get a BA) they (the school) cant find my damn papers i signed for them... they cant simply call me or anything to let me know what the fuck is goin on... and now its like what do i do???... i have to live with my uncle so like when he wants to help another family member who has NEVER done something for US... and if i dont help he will be pissed at me... and its like WTF??!!!... what am i doing wrong in life rite now that is maken things harder for me?... i have established to keep a man in my life for more then a year and a half as well... (I HAVE ALOT OF FIRSTS GOIN ON HERE) and its because i have guidance and love from FAMILY/PEOPLE WHO CARE... i have to deal with IGNORANT people i work with... i have to deal with BULLSHIT at home!!... i have to put a smile on my face just to hide my pain... but when i had more then enough I WILL LET SHIT GO... AND IT WONT BE PRETTY!!!...



i think that i have been thru enough bullshit in my life and had overcome so much ... like i could have went back to doin drugs... cuz that would be easy to let everything go and not care... but i do care... i care for my future... my life... my family... i dont care much for my job but o well... i am tired of feeling like i OWE someone or something... pain is no pleasure.... i hate it... what can you do to make everyone happy at the same time??

i am talking so much non-sense cuz i am just so stressed and my mind is running crazy... i cant take haven so much on my mind... it dont help when ppl dont listen to you ... and just FUCK it all up for you!!!... i hate when someone says DONT DO THAT.... HEY BUDDY!!... REALITY CHECK YOU DO THE SAME FUCKIN THING!!!...i am so lost in my mind... i dont know what to do... GOD grant me the serenity to move on with my life.. help me gather thoughts and give me strength....

WHAT SHALL NOT KILL YOU ... CAN ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER!!