the day... pt.9

so i had a friend of my mother... western union me some money to come home... and so i took a bus from Orlando to Newark... my mom had met me at the station in Newark with her boyfriends kids... i was so happy to see them... and they were happy to see me... and once we got home and the kids went home... we started to do drugs again... from that day on... drugs didnt leave my life for the next like 3 yrs... i lost so much weight.... i looked really ill... i tried to find work so this way i didnt have to ask people for money... and i didnt last at my jobs... i was so fucked up... i never wanted to leave the house.... and umm at this time when i came home my mom and her boyfriend were living in the basement of a friends house ... and we found another place around the cornor from there... so we moved in there... and thats when things continued on gettin worse... i eneded up gettin this job at this deli and the owner was a coke head... and he knew what i was into... and it didnt bother him unless i didnt come in... but he would come pick my ass up to make sure i came into work... lol... and i met some guy there... he was so HOTT... and i remember i tried to not do drugs for a while so that i could see him... and things were good... til one day i noticed that when i kissed him one night and my lips got all numb... and i was like WTF?!... i was like y didnt you tell me what you were into?... and i started to sniff coke like he did... and i was buy shit from my boss... and things were bad... this kid and i broke up cuz shit was getting to crazy for me... and he didnt want to be a part of it... i so understood... (he is married now)... anyways... i dated other people who were into things that i was into... and those relationships were the worse... we faught so many times over alot of stupid shit... cause of the drugs of course... and i met some pretty interesting people!!... let me tell ya... this one girl who was more friends with my mom ... she caused alot of problems... always tellin us she can get all these drugs and she would bring em back... SHE WOULD NOT COME BACK FOR LIKE A FEW DAYS!!... this BITCH took my car one time and i knew where she was... i went there and blew the FUCK UP on her!!... all the black people in the house called me the CRAZY WHITE BITCH...lol... they didnt fuck wit me ever since that day... but anyways... b4 that happened... i was wit this one kid... and i had met someone thru him... and after i broke up with the one... i went to his friend who i first tried to hook up with my mom... (YEA SICK SHIT RITE?)... anyways... i was with this guy for like 9 mths... and the relationship was nice when we were sober.... (if we were ever sober)... and he had the most beautiful kids ever... they so loved me!!.. and i loved them with a passion!... (BY THE WAY.. I SKIPPED A BUNCH OF SHIT... BUT THAT IS FOR MY BOOK... AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW IT ... YOU WILL HAVE TO BUY MY BOOK WHEN IT COMES OUT)... so we would see his kids every now and again... we would have so much fun... but the mother of the kids did not want them around me...the mom hated me with a passion cause i was young and she knew i was a druggy... and so like my bf and i would buy stuff for the kids... but was never able to give it to them... so like we were friends with this drug dealer..and i knew he had some family members who were the same age as my bf's kids... and he would take it... we would not ask for drugs in return for what we gave to him... and this boyfriend and i had a horrible relationship... always fighting... he got mad at me cuz this one time we were at a friends house around the cornor... (the same place i lived in the basement at)... and some people were over... and this one in particular was someone i used to mess with.. and i went outside to talk cuz i was so drunk off my ass... that i was just so happy and talkative... and so like he got pissed and started to fight with me so bad... my friend kicked us out of her house... and so when we got home... he was pushing me down in the living room and i kicked him... i bit him so bad just to get him off me... and i chased him with a knife... and i threw a coffee pot at his head... and i broke it... and it was bad... i dont think the cops came that nite... but i was shocked that they didnt ... he was tryn to get me to not use my phone... he dragged me across the living room floor... and i had scratches all up and down my body... and so like things after that were just so bad... so much had happend... and umm (here comes the more interesting part)... we had money that we needed to get from his Union Hall in Newark... so like we didnt have a ride... so we asked people if we could borrow their car to get this and everyone was like NO.. and so we asked the dealer whom i would always give things to... and he was like yea.. sure no problem... so like i remember waking up at like 8am and we were gettin ready and he had came to the house at like 9:30... and we had some more things for him to take to his family... and he was like ... oh i will take it when we get back... and so like he asked my bf does Candice really need to come with us... he was like yea... she goes where i go... so i went... and he had his cousin with him drivin the car... and like my bf was in the front seat i was behind him... and the dealer was behind the driver... so we were off to newark to get this check... and we picked it up ... and we went back towards home... (mind u .. he gave us some drugs b4 we left the house.. so we were like wanting to get home so we can do them... and then we were goin to leave to go to Cali like the next day or so)... and so like we got into Plainfield... and we cashed the check... and bought some things that i needed ... and we got in the car again.. gave the dealer his money we needed to give him... and we stopped at another store to get minutes for my phone and cigarettes... so i told the driver ... y dont u go thru the park so we can get home faster... he was like i was thinkin of doin it anyways... so i was like oh ok... (didnt think much of it)... and so we got into the park... and i was starting to notice that it was strange... i seen him lookin in all his mirrors... and drivin really slow... my thought was somethin bad was goin to happen.. but i wasnt sure... i didnt think the dealer was like that... he would always come over my house sometimes and play x-box and eat dinner and shit wit me and my man... (wit his girl no less)... and so like they stopped the car and told my man and i to get out... so as we got out... the dealer was outside the car holding a gun... and he was pointin his gun at me... and the cousin asked me who had the money while he was still in the car and told him my bf... and the dealer then took a shot towards me .. i quickly ducked down cuz i was so scared... and umm he pointed it at my man... and my man was like take it... i dont need it.. just please dont hurt us.. and he started to shoot him ... he shot him like 6-7 times... and i then looked up as i was still crouched down... and he looked in my eyes... and said "i'm sorry... but GOOD-BYE!"... so he shot me like 2 times in the top portion of my head... (all execution style like) and i fell to the ground... and the next thing i hear is the car pullin off... the tires where spinning.. and so i laid there... and i opened my eyes a little and moved ever so slowly... and i touched my face with my left hand cause i could not move my right arm... i had no feeling in my arm or both my legs... i touched my face and i seen all this blood... and i was like OMG... i knew i was shot... i didnt know how bad... i turned and looked at my bf lay on the other side and i knew he was dead... so i was starting to scream for some help... and someone had told me that cops where on the way.. and i was waiting for them... so i seen a cop run down the hill.. and he looked at my bf... and then came straight to me... (that cop had died like a year later i think)..(he had some issues)... well then all of a sudden there was like so many people around me... (i kept goin in and out)...and umm i remember cops askin me the same fuckin questions over and over again... and i was like "STOP ASKIN ME THE SAME FUCKIN QUESTIONS!!"... i was tellin them all to listen to me when i say it to the one person... if u didnt hear me look at what he wrote!... lol... so like i told em where the kid who shot me lived... i told em what car we were in and all that happened... and how the drugs where at my house... cuz i didnt want to get introuble with that...



this is my scar like 2 mths later... see how skinny i was!

continue part 10

so like i am at the hospital now.... and the one cop had stayed with me askin me who he should call and tell them where i was... i gave em my moms number... but no one answered... and the phone must have been out of minutes... so there was no one else i could have thought of other then other family members... so i was like i really dont want to give u this number... but call my aunt... so like he called her... and she apparently was comin to where i was... and i went down to get preped and ready for surgery... and meanwhile some detectives came to see me... i picked the 2 guys out of a line up they had and recorded my testimony... (they apparently where not sure what was goin to happen to me)...so then i went into the room where the surgery was goin to start... and the next thing i know... i woke up in a room filled with people... and i cried... i told everyone how sorry i was for everything and anything... and that i would never hurt them again...



so from that day it changed my life... I WAS SHOT WITH A 9MM ... 2 TIMES... 2 FRACTIONS OF MY SKULL WAS SHOWING AND SO WAS MY BRAIN APPARENTLY... I WISH I HAD PHOTO'S ...



my next upcoming blogs will be more current...

the fun and good times...

now this is just some things i didnt mention... when i was little my aunt was always just about there with me... she taught me how to ride a 2 wheeler... and i remember she got me my first bike.. then someone stole it... =( and we went to St. Thomas... and thats where i learned to swim... i met a guy who had no legs.. and he was swimming... i swam with him... i always talked to people... i was a happy little kid... and i was so sweet... i went up to anyone and talked to em... i got this monkey thing while we were out there... came home and aunt sharon accidently caught my monkey on fire... i was with her roomate as she cleaned it up and got all the smoke out the apartment....her friend used to live like on the cornor from where she lived... and i always was over there playin with her cat... i loved Daisy... she was my favorite kitty cat... =)



i was around my aunt a while... she moved from Elizabeth to Springfield... and her house was so big... and at this point in time i was in LOVE with The New Kids on The Block!... i had the bed sheets.. i had posters.. i always sung their songs... lmao... i had a blast...(when i was young)... my aunt did so much with me...

so yea... we been on many trips... like my aunt took me and a couple of friends to Dorney Park (i think i spelled that wrong...dont care)... and she also took one friend and i to umm virgina ... we went to Bush Gardens... that was fun... i have so many pictures that when i write my book i will have pictures in it... (again i need to ask my friends if i can put them in it)

just sitting here rite now makes me think of so many fun times... and i miss that!... DONT EVER GROW UP!!..lol... although its too late for that one!!...

i remember my bike rides with friends... roller blading... i went skiing ..(that was a horrific site)... (its funny too)... lmao... it was my first time ever tryn to ski... and i wasnt doin that bad.. until my aunt ..my mom... and my grandpa had decided to go down a intermedite (i know i spelled that wrong too)... slope... and i was scared... the slope was on a downward slant... on the left to me was rocks going up... so i was like below them... but there was like a wall... and to the right was like a down the hill type thing with a bunch of trees.... so like i was going down the slope... but i was gettin scared cuz i started to go fast... and so i turned my skies towards the left to go to the wall... and so i realized i didnt want to hit the wall... i fell back on my ass... and i turned to go down the hill... but stayed crouched down so i can fall on my ass again if i was goin fast... but i like sat up to where my skies turned more to the right... and QUESS WHAT??!!!...I FUCKIN WENT TOWARDS THE TREES!!... and so i went over the cliff into a snow bank right by a tree... LMAO!!...and my mom was so scared... she didnt want to come see me... she thought i was goin to be dead... and my aunt came to see me ...i just had a bunch of snow all in my suite... and my goggles.. lol... omg... and so i ended up gettin down the slope with my aunt... and she decided to get me lessons so that i knew what to do... and that was like the next day...so like we got the lessons... now i was like YEAH ok... i can do this!... lol... so i went up the ski lift.. and i was goin down the bunny slope... mind you this slope is pretty steep for a begginer... lol... so i went down it and all of a sudden for some reason my skies decided to form a pizza shape... and i flipped over them... busted my lip all open... and blacked out for like a second... woke up and seen blood pouring down into the snow... my mom was flippen again... and the paramedic people came to get me and put me on like a sled and brought me down the slope... and i was like that was fun... he asked me if i wanted to go back up the slope and he will bring me down again.. i was like no thanks!.. lol... and so i had to get my lip all checked out.. my aunt came to see me... she was like omg what is goin on with you!... lol... well then there was a blizzard that nite... and the next mornin we went on our usual trip from our condo to the slopes... it was so cool... i actually can see it in my mind on how beautiful it was that day... (after the storm)... so like we were sking all day... and when we were getting ready to go back to the condo... my aunt wanted to do a black diamond... so i did it... i did it so well that there was another ski instuctor whom asked my aunt how long i been skiing for.. she was like just this week... lol.. he said i was doin great... so that was a nice ending for that ski trip...

what else have i done?... well a few years went by... and i was like 15... i went to Paris... that was nice... i met the Roots while i was out there... they wanted me to be their groupie... but i didnt ... my teacher whom i was with (cuz it was a school trip) said NO.. lol... i was in the room blazing up with them though... that was fun... i had a blast... i seen so many cool things... visited many places... there was alot of walking... but it didnt bother me much.. i have done so much walking b4 going there that it was nothin to me... (again once i write my book i will have pics for this)... well i cant tell you all of the fun things and good times...

i am goin to leave some for my book...

there is many more good times and i will post them up in my book... i need to finish my bad memories the rest of my story for all of you... (so i can be current)