the day... pt.9

so i had a friend of my mother... western union me some money to come home... and so i took a bus from Orlando to Newark... my mom had met me at the station in Newark with her boyfriends kids... i was so happy to see them... and they were happy to see me... and once we got home and the kids went home... we started to do drugs again... from that day on... drugs didnt leave my life for the next like 3 yrs... i lost so much weight.... i looked really ill... i tried to find work so this way i didnt have to ask people for money... and i didnt last at my jobs... i was so fucked up... i never wanted to leave the house.... and umm at this time when i came home my mom and her boyfriend were living in the basement of a friends house ... and we found another place around the cornor from there... so we moved in there... and thats when things continued on gettin worse... i eneded up gettin this job at this deli and the owner was a coke head... and he knew what i was into... and it didnt bother him unless i didnt come in... but he would come pick my ass up to make sure i came into work... lol... and i met some guy there... he was so HOTT... and i remember i tried to not do drugs for a while so that i could see him... and things were good... til one day i noticed that when i kissed him one night and my lips got all numb... and i was like WTF?!... i was like y didnt you tell me what you were into?... and i started to sniff coke like he did... and i was buy shit from my boss... and things were bad... this kid and i broke up cuz shit was getting to crazy for me... and he didnt want to be a part of it... i so understood... (he is married now)... anyways... i dated other people who were into things that i was into... and those relationships were the worse... we faught so many times over alot of stupid shit... cause of the drugs of course... and i met some pretty interesting people!!... let me tell ya... this one girl who was more friends with my mom ... she caused alot of problems... always tellin us she can get all these drugs and she would bring em back... SHE WOULD NOT COME BACK FOR LIKE A FEW DAYS!!... this BITCH took my car one time and i knew where she was... i went there and blew the FUCK UP on her!!... all the black people in the house called me the CRAZY WHITE BITCH...lol... they didnt fuck wit me ever since that day... but anyways... b4 that happened... i was wit this one kid... and i had met someone thru him... and after i broke up with the one... i went to his friend who i first tried to hook up with my mom... (YEA SICK SHIT RITE?)... anyways... i was with this guy for like 9 mths... and the relationship was nice when we were sober.... (if we were ever sober)... and he had the most beautiful kids ever... they so loved me!!.. and i loved them with a passion!... (BY THE WAY.. I SKIPPED A BUNCH OF SHIT... BUT THAT IS FOR MY BOOK... AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW IT ... YOU WILL HAVE TO BUY MY BOOK WHEN IT COMES OUT)... so we would see his kids every now and again... we would have so much fun... but the mother of the kids did not want them around me...the mom hated me with a passion cause i was young and she knew i was a druggy... and so like my bf and i would buy stuff for the kids... but was never able to give it to them... so like we were friends with this drug dealer..and i knew he had some family members who were the same age as my bf's kids... and he would take it... we would not ask for drugs in return for what we gave to him... and this boyfriend and i had a horrible relationship... always fighting... he got mad at me cuz this one time we were at a friends house around the cornor... (the same place i lived in the basement at)... and some people were over... and this one in particular was someone i used to mess with.. and i went outside to talk cuz i was so drunk off my ass... that i was just so happy and talkative... and so like he got pissed and started to fight with me so bad... my friend kicked us out of her house... and so when we got home... he was pushing me down in the living room and i kicked him... i bit him so bad just to get him off me... and i chased him with a knife... and i threw a coffee pot at his head... and i broke it... and it was bad... i dont think the cops came that nite... but i was shocked that they didnt ... he was tryn to get me to not use my phone... he dragged me across the living room floor... and i had scratches all up and down my body... and so like things after that were just so bad... so much had happend... and umm (here comes the more interesting part)... we had money that we needed to get from his Union Hall in Newark... so like we didnt have a ride... so we asked people if we could borrow their car to get this and everyone was like NO.. and so we asked the dealer whom i would always give things to... and he was like yea.. sure no problem... so like i remember waking up at like 8am and we were gettin ready and he had came to the house at like 9:30... and we had some more things for him to take to his family... and he was like ... oh i will take it when we get back... and so like he asked my bf does Candice really need to come with us... he was like yea... she goes where i go... so i went... and he had his cousin with him drivin the car... and like my bf was in the front seat i was behind him... and the dealer was behind the driver... so we were off to newark to get this check... and we picked it up ... and we went back towards home... (mind u .. he gave us some drugs b4 we left the house.. so we were like wanting to get home so we can do them... and then we were goin to leave to go to Cali like the next day or so)... and so like we got into Plainfield... and we cashed the check... and bought some things that i needed ... and we got in the car again.. gave the dealer his money we needed to give him... and we stopped at another store to get minutes for my phone and cigarettes... so i told the driver ... y dont u go thru the park so we can get home faster... he was like i was thinkin of doin it anyways... so i was like oh ok... (didnt think much of it)... and so we got into the park... and i was starting to notice that it was strange... i seen him lookin in all his mirrors... and drivin really slow... my thought was somethin bad was goin to happen.. but i wasnt sure... i didnt think the dealer was like that... he would always come over my house sometimes and play x-box and eat dinner and shit wit me and my man... (wit his girl no less)... and so like they stopped the car and told my man and i to get out... so as we got out... the dealer was outside the car holding a gun... and he was pointin his gun at me... and the cousin asked me who had the money while he was still in the car and told him my bf... and the dealer then took a shot towards me .. i quickly ducked down cuz i was so scared... and umm he pointed it at my man... and my man was like take it... i dont need it.. just please dont hurt us.. and he started to shoot him ... he shot him like 6-7 times... and i then looked up as i was still crouched down... and he looked in my eyes... and said "i'm sorry... but GOOD-BYE!"... so he shot me like 2 times in the top portion of my head... (all execution style like) and i fell to the ground... and the next thing i hear is the car pullin off... the tires where spinning.. and so i laid there... and i opened my eyes a little and moved ever so slowly... and i touched my face with my left hand cause i could not move my right arm... i had no feeling in my arm or both my legs... i touched my face and i seen all this blood... and i was like OMG... i knew i was shot... i didnt know how bad... i turned and looked at my bf lay on the other side and i knew he was dead... so i was starting to scream for some help... and someone had told me that cops where on the way.. and i was waiting for them... so i seen a cop run down the hill.. and he looked at my bf... and then came straight to me... (that cop had died like a year later i think)..(he had some issues)... well then all of a sudden there was like so many people around me... (i kept goin in and out)...and umm i remember cops askin me the same fuckin questions over and over again... and i was like "STOP ASKIN ME THE SAME FUCKIN QUESTIONS!!"... i was tellin them all to listen to me when i say it to the one person... if u didnt hear me look at what he wrote!... lol... so like i told em where the kid who shot me lived... i told em what car we were in and all that happened... and how the drugs where at my house... cuz i didnt want to get introuble with that...



this is my scar like 2 mths later... see how skinny i was!