Starting Point

well lets start from the beginning (at least from when i was old enough to remember things)... i remember being 4 yrs old and living with my grandmother, my mom and my uncle... now my uncle was a drunk/drug user... my mom was the same... my mom was in and out of my life... NEVER had met my dad... we lived in Linden,NJ... and i was so close to my grandma that where ever she was i was... she was my best friend... i remember my little hot pink color chair with the picture on the back of it....and sitting outside on the porch with her... as she would give me a bowl of apple slices and orange slices with tons of surgar on em.... that was the life.... i had friends who lived next door to me whom i would play with all the time.... and a old man whom lived upstairs ... he always let me play with the philsbury doughboy doll thing he had.... when he passed away his daughter had given me it so i can play with it... i was always out side with no shoes... stepping on slugs... and playing in dirt and mudd..... collecting worms... "Oh that was the good life!"... one day i remember that i was going to bed... and when i woke up in the morning i wanted something to eat... i was trying to wake up grandma who was next to me (cause i slept with her)... she was so cold... i put a sheet on her to make her warm... i went to the kichen tried to get somethin to eat... then a knock was at the door... i pushed my grandmas chair next to the door... i had my little pink chair and put that next to grandma's ... and i climbed up and unlocked the door... i had to pull the chain off and unlock the dead-bult.... it was my friends from next door... i told em to get their grandma cause mine would not wake up... so then their grandma told us to go into her apartment ... we went in... then all of a sudden i seen my aunt come over... i seen my mom running thru the door (now this was all in time)... my moms boyfriend came over after my whole family was there... and he took me out to get ice cream cause apparently GOD was coming down to take grandma away... so when we got to the ice cream place... (i was bare foot) my moms boyfriend closed my foot in the car door...(that hurt!)... (it did not brake cause it was not that hard... but it still hurt)... i remember my grandma's fake leg she had... (she alwats would scare me with it.. and i always went to smoke her cigaretts that she had lit)... i remember all the good funnt things ... she was so beautiful... and young.. but she had alot of problems.... i dont know much of what was wrong... but she is in such a better place... and my family has alot of guilt for her death