As Time Goes By... I let you back in... Y?

Its been over 4 yrs since it has all happend to me... I can remember going back a little over 10 yrs ago... and i remember how i used to be.... i was the biggest flirt... i didnt care if i just met u 2 seconds ago i was already in ur pants... I see things today with the younger generation and i see how much worse it is then it was when i was their age... i remember all that i have been thru... i remember what i put others thru... i remember what i thought and how judgemental i was to others when i was doin the same shit... how do you approach the young ones today??!... how do u make them see that what they are doin now is not what they will be doing in 10 yrs... because they will have nothing... unless they get a wake up call like me... but i "dont think" that they will survive something like i have... it is horrible when i think about how i was so quick to judge and still do today but not much... because i KNOW i am BETTER then them and others... I HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER... i may not have my finances in order... but i sure do have my life where it needs to be... i mite talk to some ppl who should not even get to hear me breathe... but i am that one who will be there for someone in a heartbeat.... i am that true friend... who will always forgive you just to get you back in my life...

Just Because Its Been So Long...

I have to begin by sayn i had a whole fukin this written down... and i clicked on a stupid part of this page and lost all of what i wrote!.. UGH!!... FML!!!... anyways... its been a while since i last wrote somethin... so i thought about it and i thought i should write somethin to brush you all up on what has been goin on... i started college as you know in September last year... i had 4 classes thus far and i been breezin thru them almost like its nothin... so ENC-101 i had a B... SOS-101 *Living In The Information Age* i had a A... and ENC-102... the mentor can suck my non-exsistant DICK!... i am not sure but i think i got a D... and PSY-101 i have a B+... my enc-102 was low because of a research paper i did... and i did not choose the right subject ... but the mentor lead me to believe that everything was cool until i wrote my final paper and got a 35 which was counted as 50% of the grade... whatever... too much to talk about with that one... dont wanna get into it... my psyc class... i cheated and NO -ONE knew... lol... but now i feel guilty... cuz i dont know anything about that class... i am now in Intro to Anthropology and Self Assestment Career Explaination course... i am sure i can get thru ANT-101 with no problems... but this other class sucks balls!!!... i wish i had a pair for this class to suck on... boy oh boy... its like why do they make you take this asshole courses??!... and they require you to do soo fuckin much for em too... i just started these two classes the 1st of april... and they will be over on 6/24 which is fine with me... then i take 2 mths off for summer and start again in september... but now i need to be searching for ways to go to school for free... this sucks that i applied for Sallie Mae... and Fin Aid is payin like 1200... whatever!... i should be able to go to school for free!!... i was shot in the fuckin head 2 times and survived!... there has to be a grant for that... or somethin for a 27 (soon to be 28 on the 29th of April) young woman with a disability... and I STILL WORK AT THIS ASSHOLE FUCKIN JOB THAT I HATE.. I AM GETTIN SO SICK AND TIRED OF!...

OH... GOOD NEWS!!!... I DID BUY A CAR FOR THE 2 ND TIME IN MY LIFE... BUT 1ST TIME I INSURED IT UNDER MY NAME... i have to get hand controls which will be on there shortly... =)

i am still with Matt... the love of my life... 2 yrs... 3 mths... yay!!... i am 4 yrs and 1 mth sober!!!... and goin to college... HOW IS THIS ALL POSSIBLE FOR ME??!... LOL... i am currently seeing a therapist for my many thoughts and anxiety... she is pretty cool... she mite read this blog so i have to make her feel good... lol... <3 u!...

umm yea... so like i been feelin down and out a lot of stress... its too much for me to handle... i moved in with matt... so i am gettin used to being with a guy who is actually worth keeping... i guess its too much to handle... but I DO IT!... =)

good day for now... UNTIL NEXT TIME...